The twilight phenomenon

(We've got a new contendor, who plans to disprove Phiter Kaapi's claim at being a vampire. His eloborate elucidation of why more than half the adoloscent world is absolutely nuts was an unpublished, unrecognized reasearch paper that the kindly soul that is phiter kaapi picked up and posted it here, even though it was the kind of article that placed her sense of being someone sane in serious jeopardy. But, being the noble creature that she is, she decided to allow for some healthy debate. (WTF??? I plan to kill this guy who says twilight is pure crap, if I wasen't inhibited by endless miles of oceans, mountains and countries). But aha, here it is. Whose team are you on? Team Edward, Team jacob, Team bella or Team loser? Fate is in the hands of the intelligent reader. So, I place the contribution before your speculative eyes)

During my usual rounds of surfing channels on TV back and forth I was lucky enough to stumble on a lifestyle channel showing me the top best sellers of the month.
5. LOST SYMBOL
4. SEA OF POPPIES
3. 2 STATES
2. WHITE TIGER
1. TWILIGHT
WTF?!!!!! Twilight???!!! Damn! That book which every girl seem to be drooling on for no particular reason. I had to read it.
I made a few calls to my friends who had the book. They had managed to survive the ordeal of reading all the 4 books. The common opinion among guys was not surprisingly “too much hype” or “don’t read it! Please for our sake!” and the girls “OMG!! Edward OMG!! Jacob” and they would fake a faint.
Jobless soul that I am, I had to learn more about this Edward and Jacob character who seemed to display the property of “female-magnetism” (and in some rare and weird cases males too). I got hold of the book from a rather nervous owner who was adamant that I return this precious novel within a week. What the hell is in this book which makes the teenagers so possessive? Why are they going gaga over it? Is it similar to Harry Potter? It had to be something if the movie beat the records of dark knights single day collection.
I’m half way into the book and I finally got my answers. The answer is that it has nothing! Yes, nothing (except for a love triangle). Stephanie Meyer you are a genius! Not because the novel is great, not because she created an ideal boy friend, but because she realized the potential of employing the irrational brains of teenagers who is filled with the ideas of college love stories. An emo girl suddenly finds a perfect guy who turns out to be a vampire, who is allergic to sunlight, add to this a werewolf on a mission to kill vampires. She just created a fairy tale for grownups! So who will be the next guy in her life? I’m hoping a dragon turns up from somewhere. So next time you fall in love with a guy hanging around in dark corners and getting ideas that he is a vampire let me warn you, you will be disappointed because sadly there is something called reality. Until then there will be more like Madame philter kaapi getting ideas that they are vampires.
So there you have it, ‘the twilight phenomenon’ a pandemic condition the cure for which is a sound and developed brain, age and saneness.

-Masala chaai