Sunday, March 27, 2011

Love Advice

There are few things in this world which are more complicated and difficult than initiating a first conversation with someone you like, although touching your nose with your tongue or climbing the Everest as the Yeti gives you chase come in as close second on the difficulty scale. But by god, you'd rather war with the invisible Yeti and get your bones crushed to smithereens or suffer frostbites that'll make your toes fall off than drop a "hi" to her, wouldn't you?
Yes, it's difficult to start. More so, if the person's an absolute stranger from the Internet.

Of course, there are ways to start, and Orkut taught us. "Hey u r bootiful, dear. ur eyes r lyk the first drop of dew dat's on lotus leaves at 4 a.m. in d morning (although why anyone would want to stare at dew on lotus leaves at 4 a.m. in the morning is still beyond me). "wana make frandship?" was most customary. Very flattering, yes, although not quite adequate, if--by good misfortune, the girl happens to be intelligent. (oh lord, no!! not intelligent of all things!)

Well, it's only a matter of time till someone comes up with something more foolproof. And someone did:

^ Yes, it's so nice! Now this is how you start your first conversation with a complete stranger: Which girl wouldn't enjoy the flattery, the beautiful beautiful poetry, and the way you elucidate the curl of her fake lashes? (Expensive mascara, I knew the 300 rupees was worth it!) How it would melt her timid, innocent, love-starved little heart!
Especially poetry. Which girl would be thick enough as to not appreciate original poetry? Especially the sorts that you could flick off and nobody would know?:

Unfortunately, my answer was simply a "I know."
I'm a disappointment to the race of stupid, beautiful women.
Now excuse me, I have to go write a poem. The sorts that is not flicked from or talk about the very very (un)brown eyes that god gave me.