Messages-Part 1

It had been a rather cheerful day, sprinkled with a few death threats, and a few more suicidal e-mails. Kaapi’s caffeine-infected eyes scanned yet another message and thought to itself, in quiet resolve, “the world abounds in jerks,”—a statement oozing much profound wisdom. That, to her, was equivalent to an entire “I have a dream,” speech.

I don’t know about you, but I would consider the moment you are dying as a very wrong time to exchange pleasantries. You might consider a doctor a plausible person to go to during such instances, but unfortunately for most, such complex common sense seldom seeps into befuddled brains.

“I YAM DEIN.”

A message had suddenly come out of the blue. She looked at it for three whole minutes, and that was something to be said for a very quick thinker. A funeral invite, perhaps? Like “I am turning thirteen, please come,” Such grim reminders never worked much to increase the happiness factor in her life. She contemplated on what to do, and finally decided on fully freaking out to be a very appropriate response, given the situation.

“WOHMAGOSSSSH NO, DON’T DO THISSSS, IT IS WOKAY!! DON’T KILL YOURSELF; I AM HERE FOR U FOR THE REST OF ETENRITY. ARE YOU OK? DID YOU DRINK A BOTTLE OF SAVLON LIQUID SOAP? I KNEW U HAD SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, PLZ PLZ TAKE CARE, DON’T RUSH WITH THIS. PLZ. I KNOW YOUR LIFE IS CRAP AND EVERYTHING, BUT PLEASE DON’T TAKE THIS TO THE EXTREME. WHAT WILL YOUR PARENTS THINK? WHAT WILL YOUR FRIENDS THINK? YOU NEED TO CHEER UP, PLEASE!!! LIFE IS NOT JUST ABOUT EXISTING, IT’S ABOUT LIVING; SHOW THE WORLD THAT YOU CAN LIVE!! YOU CAN DO THIS, BUDDY! YOU REALLY REALLY CAN!!! COME ON NOW, DON’T BE DEPRESSED. WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF? PLEASE DON’T DIE!”

Most sympathetic, I’d say. She spent the day in perpetual worry, hoping that there would finally be some hope at the end of the tunnel. she prayed hard, wishing somebody would continue to exist.

And then, had come the most profound reply.

“….to see you.”

Next time you write a letter, folks, don't forget to complete your sentences.

Imaginary Numbers

I would like to begin with some good news. No, I have still not been acknowledged by the Counsel of Intellectuals. And I have decided not to submit my ‘Hen and Egg’ research until they do so. However, I have been specially invited to join the Parliament of Backyard Philosophers at The Profound Words of Wisdom. I have been invited by Miss Philter Kaapi and my invitation has been supported by the votes of the majority. So I see that my intelligence has not been completely overlooked by this world.

So this would be my first(and hopefully not my last) article as a member of the Parliament. You may pretend that you are listening! I am Dr. Kinetics. I am NOT a doctor! I am a scientist. A theoretical Physicist, to be precise. I have two PhDs. I am aware that you do not and that I am much much smarter than you. I write articles which are a valuable source of intelligence on Ramblings of a Mad Scientist. MAD stand for ‘My Application’s Denied’, signifying my lack of recognition at the Council. I can therefore not join the other intellectuals... as of yet. PhD does not stand for ‘Passed With High Difficulty’. On the contrary, I exceeded the expectation of all my high school examiners every time I appeared at the examination hall. PhD means ‘Doctor of Philosophy’ and I am here to share with you my philosophy.

I would like to discuss with you the concept of imaginary numbers. No, I am not talking about your dream salary or cooked up math score or the number of degrees your great great grand daughter has. I am talking about the numbers which are multiples of the square root of negative one (-1).

Let us consider this integer (-1). It is not a natural number. This does not mean we produce such numbers in the factory. It merely means that you cannot count in negatives. Imagine two kids playing hide and seek. One of them closes his eyes and counts: “zero, minus one, minus two, minus three…”. It’s not possible! You cannot have negative quantities, even if you travel back in time or live life counting your age like Benjamin Button (a curious case indeed). And hence you cannot count in negatives. Well, unless you’re counting your score in an exam or quiz which involves negative marking for every mistake you make and you have not done well enough to balance it with sufficient right answers.

So i(Greek alphabet iota) would be an imaginary number if it is the square root of (-1). And i6789.5463 would be an imaginary number too. Because you cannot practically find the square root of (-1). That’s like finding liquid water at 0 K (Zero Kelvin or absolute zero, below which no temperature can be measured). In other words, you cannot do that. You may put that calculator away! An imaginary number is used only for theoretical purposes by Theoreticians (yes, like me).

A few days back I did a small research on the Parliament. In other words, I had a look through the blog. I notice that Kachaguli Pencil specializes in artistic sketches and uses it to skillfully humiliate his former English teacher who definitely must have been quite a disaster. I enjoy his sense of humor. Swami Unknownananda has gone away to seek his wisdom under a Bhodi tree. Masala Chai has bitten back what he was about to say. He will let you know what it is when the right time arrives. And last but not the least, Philter Kaapi is the great philosopher whose spectrum of dealings ranges from whether New Year’s eve is to be slept through or not, to How Not To Woo A Girl. I’d say that’s amazing! If we could all find out what we're not supposed to do, then we’d probably become experts in what we do DO. I’m going to follow this blog’s instructions (or rather anti-instructions) and see if I do succeed in winning my true love…

*Cough! Cough!* Ahem! I hope that introduces me now. Anyway, my posts will henceforth be visible on Profound Words of Wisdom as well, so please ‘stay tuned’. Bye for now!

Madly yours

Dr. Kinetics( MS, PhD, PhD and so on to infinity)