The Perfume Paradox

Greetings dear friends,

This is Dr. Kinetics! After a very long pause, I am here again… to remind you that I am not a doctor. Do not mistake my qualification for an MD. (That would make me MaD!) I am a scientist and I have achieved two PhD’s (Passing Hardly with any Difficulty!) and… now I’m going to write this article for an engineering college’s magazine. I post my profound findings (seldom recognized by the Counsel of Intellectuals) on my blog ‘Ramblings of a MAD Scientist’. I’m not mad! M.A.D. stands for My Application’s Denied (by the Counsil). However, I’m also a member of the Parliament of Backyard Philosophers. You may pretend you are listening!

Now that my introduction is over, once again, let me explain to you the conclusions of my new research. A friend of mine, Torque Singh, recently observed and pointed out to me a very curious fact. And so I decided to get to work on it. Have you never noticed how Axe deodorants never actually work on men, tough the advertisements depict otherwise? Well, they are not fooling you. They cannot, since you are already fools. No, they are just mistaken. You see, women do not appreciate axe as much as men. Women appreciate feminine perfumes.

When I was researching Binaural waves (Alpha, Beta, Delta, Theta, and Omega), I noticed something. The pheromones from the hair of a women (be it a lab assistant or a secretary or just a lovely visitor) are most compelling waves themselves. Now what is it that enhances these pheromones?
I also observed that women prefer chocolate over men. Men do not prefer so much of chocolate. Perhaps we’re jealous, but that’s beside the point. Could chocolate be the factor enhancing the pheromones? I verified it later.

So the Axe manufacturers thought of this too. They tried bringing up chocolate flavors. No progress for the men. Women still prefer chocolate. Something’s still missing. And I concluded: Since men like Axe so much women should use Axe to attract men, and since women like feminine perfumes (such as Dior and Chanel No. 5) so much, it only makes sense if the male half of humanity makes a dive for it.

This lovely scent is the second most powerful wave to have hit me since the Binaural waves (which the Counsel believes is responsible for what they assume is my dementia). If this theory of mine could be put immediately to application, I could guarantee myself a Nobel Prize.

Please ‘stay tuned’. Bye for now!

Madly yours

Dr. Kinetics( MS, PhD, PhD and so on to infinity)

Imaginary Numbers

I would like to begin with some good news. No, I have still not been acknowledged by the Counsel of Intellectuals. And I have decided not to submit my ‘Hen and Egg’ research until they do so. However, I have been specially invited to join the Parliament of Backyard Philosophers at The Profound Words of Wisdom. I have been invited by Miss Philter Kaapi and my invitation has been supported by the votes of the majority. So I see that my intelligence has not been completely overlooked by this world.

So this would be my first(and hopefully not my last) article as a member of the Parliament. You may pretend that you are listening! I am Dr. Kinetics. I am NOT a doctor! I am a scientist. A theoretical Physicist, to be precise. I have two PhDs. I am aware that you do not and that I am much much smarter than you. I write articles which are a valuable source of intelligence on Ramblings of a Mad Scientist. MAD stand for ‘My Application’s Denied’, signifying my lack of recognition at the Council. I can therefore not join the other intellectuals... as of yet. PhD does not stand for ‘Passed With High Difficulty’. On the contrary, I exceeded the expectation of all my high school examiners every time I appeared at the examination hall. PhD means ‘Doctor of Philosophy’ and I am here to share with you my philosophy.

I would like to discuss with you the concept of imaginary numbers. No, I am not talking about your dream salary or cooked up math score or the number of degrees your great great grand daughter has. I am talking about the numbers which are multiples of the square root of negative one (-1).

Let us consider this integer (-1). It is not a natural number. This does not mean we produce such numbers in the factory. It merely means that you cannot count in negatives. Imagine two kids playing hide and seek. One of them closes his eyes and counts: “zero, minus one, minus two, minus three…”. It’s not possible! You cannot have negative quantities, even if you travel back in time or live life counting your age like Benjamin Button (a curious case indeed). And hence you cannot count in negatives. Well, unless you’re counting your score in an exam or quiz which involves negative marking for every mistake you make and you have not done well enough to balance it with sufficient right answers.

So i(Greek alphabet iota) would be an imaginary number if it is the square root of (-1). And i6789.5463 would be an imaginary number too. Because you cannot practically find the square root of (-1). That’s like finding liquid water at 0 K (Zero Kelvin or absolute zero, below which no temperature can be measured). In other words, you cannot do that. You may put that calculator away! An imaginary number is used only for theoretical purposes by Theoreticians (yes, like me).

A few days back I did a small research on the Parliament. In other words, I had a look through the blog. I notice that Kachaguli Pencil specializes in artistic sketches and uses it to skillfully humiliate his former English teacher who definitely must have been quite a disaster. I enjoy his sense of humor. Swami Unknownananda has gone away to seek his wisdom under a Bhodi tree. Masala Chai has bitten back what he was about to say. He will let you know what it is when the right time arrives. And last but not the least, Philter Kaapi is the great philosopher whose spectrum of dealings ranges from whether New Year’s eve is to be slept through or not, to How Not To Woo A Girl. I’d say that’s amazing! If we could all find out what we're not supposed to do, then we’d probably become experts in what we do DO. I’m going to follow this blog’s instructions (or rather anti-instructions) and see if I do succeed in winning my true love…

*Cough! Cough!* Ahem! I hope that introduces me now. Anyway, my posts will henceforth be visible on Profound Words of Wisdom as well, so please ‘stay tuned’. Bye for now!

Madly yours

Dr. Kinetics( MS, PhD, PhD and so on to infinity)